Cast: Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone, Roger Yuan, Ranvir Shorey
Director: Nikhil Advani
The timing of CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA couldn’t be better, it came in the midst of my side project, “Kung Fu for Dummies”. A tough assignment you say, well I too have seen KUNG FU PANDA and know it can’t be an easy task. Enter, Warner Bros and Bollywood featuring Akshay Kumar.
So what does it take to become a “Kung Fu Master” from India? I’ll give you a hint, lots of suspending wires, an imitation of almost every Kung Fu movie in the annals of Chinese cinema and the length of one Kailash Kher song while you train. Oh and vegetables, don’t forget the vegetables.
Fade in. Akshay Kumar the lovable ‘bhola sa’ S.I.D.H.U. chopping up ‘gajars’ and ‘tomaters’ at an unfulfilling job, little does he know the next two and a half hours will change the rest of his life! Through deception from his confidant, feng shui fortune teller extraordinaire (Ranvir Shorey), Sidhu finds himself on a plane to China unaware that he is the supposed savior of oppressed Chinese villagers. All goes well until Sidhu and punditji unknowingly foil a plan of the big-bad-evil-hat-wearing diamond smuggler Hojo (Gordon Liu), by catching the Chinese version of Deepika Padukone. Coincidentally Hojo is the same person Sidhu must save those villagers from (cue dramatic music).
Meanwhile Ms TSM (Deepika Padukone, again) tries to settle the peace for the family she never knew, her twin sister and father who apparently died.
Eventually guruji/punditji blabs his mouth to the villain and gets poor little Sidhu into a showdown with Hojo. After Sidhu’s loss and the death of Dada (Mithun Chakraborty) from Hojo, Sidhu stumbles around with his tail between his legs to a dirty homeless man living below the Great Wall of China, Chiang (Roger Yuan). Unfortunately, Chiang pulls off a GHAJINI because he can only remember certain parts about his past. However, all that changes after Sidhu and Chiang defeat one of Hojo’s henchmen. Sidhu, in a mode for revenge, seeks the guidance of Chiang to bring down the man who killed Dada, Hojo. Confusing? Just a little.
Akshay Kumar’s role as the lovable innocent vegetable cutter is convincing. This may not be Kumar’s greatest acting performance to date, but his comedic timing was the only bright spot. The airplane scene with Akshay and Ranvir Shorey was one of the funniest moments in recent films. Deepika Padukone’s deadly assassin character (Suzy) was very well executed. Her dialogue was limited to a few lines, yet it was the subtlety that made her stand out. Her Indian character though meshed well with the overall clichéd theme of the movie.
Mithun Chakraborty and Roger Yuan displayed why their veteran status was another plus in this sea of horrors. Gordon Liu as Hojo was decent, though nothing great. Ranvir Shorey as always performed his role with ease. The Guruji character is far below his potential and caliber.
Writers Rajat Arora and Sridhar Raghavan created the typical kung fu flick. They incorporated elements of love, vengeance, comedy, confusion, action and a homage to Marry Poppins backed with a Shanker-Ehsaan-Loy track (that scene literally blew my mind). But, when were kung fu movies ever good? This genre is only popular amongst the “I know this movie is bad, but it’s cool because it’s so ridiculously awful” crowd. Last I checked the Indian audience was still caught up in the “I love you, and I love someone else…okay lets break out in a dance to show our affection” genre.
CHANDNI CHOWK TO CHINA had far too many stories and motifs for a simple vendetta concept. A rubix cube makes more sense than the plot of this Kung Fu Fantasy. Director Nikhil Advani may want to take a few steps back and look at what made him successful in the first place. After his debut with KAL HO NA HO, SALAAM-E-ISHQ was a fish out of water and his latest release is nothing more than a piñata everybody wants to swing at. The only award CHANDNI CHOWK has the possibility winning is ‘Most Metaphors Used To Describe An Atrocity’.
Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
